Dear Tumblr: please send me all of your smugness gifs

savannahstreethassle:

bedbugsbiting:

Why do I have so many of these? I have no self-esteem.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR FULFILLING MY LATE-NIGHT GIF REQUESTS.

The first and last one are perf.

Anonymous asked: Have you ever been farted on?

Um.

Anonymous asked: i have a vagina, how do i prevent queefing? my man isnt phased but its so embarrassing.

Well, unfortunately queefing is an inevitability when it comes to penetrative activities. There’s really no way to prevent it. My best advice is to make peace with your natural body functions, and learn to laugh a little. Laughter can be one of the best things about sex. You can bond with your partner, relax a little, and have fun. 

~Mia

Anonymous asked: my partner and i have recently started getting more into (what i guess you would call) D/s stuff, like spanking, hitting, ordering each other around, etc. i'm looking for more stuff we can do to explore dominance like this but i'm having a hard time thinking of things. any suggestions?

I have two! First, read some books! A couple of good books for beginners would be SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, and The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton (the famed author of The Ethical Slut, which has practically become handbook on sluthood). Second, try finding a local group! I found a local BDSM group at my old town and started learning a lot through them. They would host educational demonstrations and discussions, and even do play nights where we got to play with other people’s gear and practice with each other. Very cool. You can try finding a group or mentor on fetlife. I found a mentor on there and I’m currently training with Florentine flogging. How cool is that?

Anonymous asked: I'm a 23 year old female who has been single for two and a half years. My last relationship ended badly. I also had an abortion and was sexually assaulted around this time. Although it was very difficult, I dealt with it and moved on in my life. I am very healthy and emotionally stable, but my complete lack of interest and success on the dating front is starting to get worrisome for me. I feel completely stuck. What am I doing wrong?

Well, probably nothing. Long periods of unsuccessful dating is unfortunately completely normal. It’s probably all a matter of not finding the right person. Maybe if you broaden your social circle and meet new kinds of people, you might find someone who is interesting, and finds you interesting in return. But other than that, enjoy your single time, learn to be comfortable with being alone, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Sometimes it takes a while to find someone awesome, but its totally worth the wait.

Anonymous asked: Two things: 1) I struggle so much with being on top! I can't get into it and I feel bad for making him do all of the work. He keeps slipping out, and when he is in I have no idea how to work the motions. 2) Any helpful stimulation tips for a guy? I know they're all different but the guy I'm hooking up with sometimes has difficulty keeping it up..I've got it covered most of the time and perty well if I say so myself, but I'm getting bored! What's something spicy and new to try?

Ooh, toughies. 1) Being on top is super duper hard for a lot of folks, and it takes a lot of practice. Here’s a nice little article with advice on different positions to play with and try out for cis straight couples. I’m not very good at being on top, but I can tell you that with patience and practice, you can probably find something that works for you. 2) This is a pretty open ended question, because in order to answer, I’d need to know what you like, what he likes, and what you’re already trying. Ask him what he likes best! He’s going to know what his body craves better than anyone else. You should both sit down and talk about stuff you would like to try before you have sex again. This really seems like a problem with communication, or maybe even comfort. Do you all hang around each other, or is this strictly a hook up situation? A lot of people have performance anxiety which manifest itself in the form of lack of physical arousal. Try to make this a fun and stress-free time for both of you, confirm that you enjoy sex with him, and maybe even build up his ego a little if you have to. You both need to be confident and comfortable about what you want and need. 

~Mia

Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I are both 20 and have been in a healthy, sexually active relationship for 3 years. For the last year and a bit we haven't been as "sexually active", having sex on rare occasion (maybe like 6 or 7 times this entire year). I masturbate frequently and there was nothing wrong with our sex life before we started toning it down. I just can't get myself in the mood anymore with him. I love him to pieces and this is taking a toll on our relationship. Advice for picking things back up?

Well, first off, this scenario is actually pretty common. You’d be hard pressed to meet someone who didn’t experience bed death (doesn’t just have to be lesbians!) at some point in their life. My first suggestion is going to sound a little non-romantic, but set aside time in advanced when you both want to get freaky with each other. It doesn’t have to be full blown sex, but let yourselves explore each other and see where things take you. Sex doesn’t always have to be spontaneous, and sometimes it’s important to set aside time specifically to be intimate. My second suggestion, try something new. Try something kinky, that you haven’t done before, talk about secret fantasies, and get experimental. Don’t be afraid to try something new, because if you like it, then yay! If you don’t, well, just don’t do that anymore. You might think you know your partner after three years, but honestly, we never stop learning about ourselves and our partners. Sexuality and preferences are fluid. What used to do the trick for you last year might not be the best thing now. Third, don’t make traditional, in-out-orgasm sex the end game. Matter of fact, you be the judge of what you want and when you’re satisfied. Sometimes you just want to get handsy and tease. Sometimes it might be foreplay all night. Maybe you want a quickie. It doesn’t matter. Do what suits your needs best. Sex should not be a chore.

~Mia